The Psychology of Flowers
My last blog entry generated a response I didn’t expect. It started with what I shared on the H&CO IG on Jan 22nd. Many people reached out after reading it and shared words of comfort, even condolences for my divorce, others didn’t know I was previously married, and a few shared a personally challenging experience of their own which is brave and takes courage, so thank you for that. I didn’t think that post was about my divorce when I wrote it so I found the volume of outreach a bit shocking. I’ve been very transparent over the years that H&Co was born from a place of grief - but looking back I’d just never worded it quite like that. I don’t speak about that time in my life with the deep despair I once did. It’s a part of my story and my journey has led me to the certainty that flowers are therapy. The most beautiful and perhaps most important thread amongst all of the comments was every single person said something to the effect of, “I agree that flowers are therapeutic”.
This sentiment led me to apply to a Doctoral program in Clinical Psychology last year. In a world where we have pet therapy and art therapy, why isn’t “flower therapy” a thing?? I mean, it’s a “thing”, but how can we USE it to help others? It was after reading Brenee Brown's book “Atlas of the Heart” that I decided I was just going to apply and see what happens.
It was December 2022, I was sitting on my couch thinking about the future, my future. I was talking to my husband Charlie about it, and he told me about a GI benefit he has access to (he’s active duty Coast Guard) that I could use to help with the costs of the program. I got excited, and I started thinking about Brenee’s journey. She’d spent the last two decades studying emotion, vulnerability, shame, and courage. When she started, these topics weren’t openly or readily discussed. Still, she unlocked a world of knowledge and possibility just by doing the work -first a Bachelor's in Social Work, then a Master’s in Social Work, and then her PhD. I remember watching her Ted Talk back in June 2010, it went viral and has had over 64,207,045 views since. Brenee describes herself as a researcher and a storyteller. It hit me. From a young age, I've been a storyteller, caring deeply about others and their personal experiences, but there is much more research to be done to connect flowers and therapy. My train of thought was, well, I can build on the education I already have by applying to this program and doing the work, and the GI Bill can help me get there. So I did… and I got in. I didn’t expect that.
This is the essay I wrote that helped get me into this program.
I always thought if I wrote a book one day, it would be entitled “A Bombing, a Ponzi Scheme, and a Divorce”, a true story about all of the things I’ve survived in my life. I know now that’s not the story I’m destined to write. Instead, what I hope to publish one day will be about how I overcame these life events. A story that discusses the relationship between flowers and mental health is titled “The Psychology of Flowers”. This led me to apply to the PsyD in Clinical Psychology program at William James College.
There’s no substitute for lived experiences. My education in the field of Psychology began at the ripe age of 19, and since then so much life has happened. When I graduated from Lasell College in 2008, I believed I was meant to be in the medical field, so I set out to get my EMT Basic Certification so I could fulfill my clinical hour requirements at Newton-Wellesley Hospital, where I was working at the time. Fast forward to 2013, I was standing at the finish line as a bystander on the day of the Boston Marathon bombings near the first blast site when the bombs went off. Miraculously unharmed, I was able to help a woman who was seriously injured by the blasts. It changed my life. I decided a short two weeks after the bombings to enroll in an MS in Clinical Psychology to study trauma. I thought the bombings were the worst that would ever happen to me at the time. I was wrong.
The Ponzi scheme happened between the bombing and my divorce, it crippled me financially making it difficult to pursue further education without taking out loans. So I went back to work to try and recoup the large sum of money stolen from me by individuals I’d once considered family. It was now 2017; I was 31 years old when my husband of seven years left me. My divorce left me broken in all the places a person could be. Shattered by my grief, the only time I felt I didn’t want to die was when I was arranging flowers or surfing. In 2018 I decided to move to Nantucket, MA where I currently live, and I started my small business Hafsa and Co.- a studio that uses flowers to help businesses/brands make their mark in their industries. My business started from a place of grief, but what it blossomed into is something I had never expected. I’ve learned that while our joys connect us as human beings, our sorrows, struggles, and hardships connect us far more deeply. Flowers have been the conduit through which I’ve been able to safely share and listen to hundreds of stories just like mine, but also, (slowly and over time) heal myself. Flowers are therapy.
In 2020 I was forced to halt all business due to the pandemic, so I returned to work at Nantucket Cottage Hospital where I applied the skills and education I'd garnered since my undergraduate days. Flowers were scarce at this time, so I started a “flower therapy” workshop for the community of Nantucket. I invited people to come and learn how to make a floral arrangement. While teaching, I’d discuss how flowers stimulate serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin levels in our brains. I also covered topics like the psychology of color and carefully selected each flower for its symbolism - a concept that began in the 19th century. After several years of flower therapy workshops and over five years of serving hundreds of clients, there’s simply no denying the relationship that exists between flowers and mental health.
I aspire to study, research, and develop the idea that flowers are therapy and can be used as a therapeutic tool, all while learning to become a competent and well-rounded clinician in my field of study. It took me a long time to get here, but I have no doubt this is exactly where I’m supposed to be, and I’m confident this school can help me get there.
After I got into the program, Charlie and I learned shortly thereafter the GI Bill did not apply to me and he’s unable to transfer it as he doesn’t have four years left in the Coast Guard, he retires after 20 years of service in June 2024. I was gutted, and I quickly got to work researching grants and scholarships for the program. After all of it, we couldn’t figure out the numbers so we decided I’d defer a year to give us time to work it out. Now, almost a year later, even with financial aid, we’d be ~200K in the hole after the program is finished, and we simply cannot afford to do that. unfortunately, I recently had to give up my spot.
A part of me feels like I’m giving up on a dream; another part of me is enraged by the flawed education system in the United States - so few people want to do this work, and those that do then can’t afford it - it seems crazy to me. I’ve had a lot of soul-searching conversations with myself and God since making this decision and I know I have to make peace with it and have faith that I don’t need this degree, but I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t want it. I’ve learned through it all (and there has been a lot of learnings) that I cannot see what God’s plan for me is right now, but I think it’s important to be honest about that fear, and there is power in that vulnerability.
So I started this blog, The Psychology of Flowers—my way of doing and sharing the work with all of you. I’m so happy you’re here.
xo H